Skip Hire

Andy is a loyal husband, devout father and all round nice guy. Having acquired the proverbial 'money pit' of a bungalow and converting it into a deluxe 4 bedroom palace, Andy set about his next challenge - the 0.3 acre garden cunningly disguised as a jungle!

Andy got stuck into tree felling and shrub hacking like a Ray Mears's enthusiast. He discovered species that Sir David Attenborough himself had yet to peruse. Before long, the fruits of his labour were strewn across the ground like leaves in Autumn.

Andy hired a skip to get rid of his garden waste. He firstly had to get a permit from the council, but that's a story for another day. The skip arrived on a Friday afternoon at a cost of £160 plus VAT, and was plonked in the driveway, causing Andy to park the family car in the street, much to the disappointment of his wife and son (age 3 months), who had to struggle the extra 50 yards with pram, car seat, change bag, travel cot and shopping.

Andy awoke the following morning with the vigour of a bear in heat, jumped into and out of the power shower, landing in his working boots and headed for the 'jungle' via the kitchen for a 'roll'n'bacon' on route.

His first trip to the skip lead to much disappointment where he discovered that a neighbour had deposited a king sized mattress (stained), an elephant foot umbrella stand (replica), a Christmas tree (out of season), and three roller skates (hmm?). Deflated, Andy emptied his load and returned to the jungle to gather a second.

After clearing and loading what lay on the patio himself, Andy was exhausted. Ever conscious of the collection time for the skip (Monday), Andy decided to make a start lifting the paving slabs forming the patio itself. Meanwhile, the skip lay in his driveway half full with the words 'cleen me' written in red spray paint across the side. An eye sore he was looking forward to getting rid of, along with all his junk.

The fourth slab was the straw that broke Andy's back...well, prevented his continuing anyway. He writhed in agony like an Italian midfielder. Time for a bath, a beer and bed. The next day, Andy was awoken by his wife, and PC Smith. The family car had been stolen from the street, and recovered burnt out in Blackpool.

Andy could hardly move, and as he hobbled to the window to confirm his disbelief, he was astonished to find the blank face of a manikin staring back at him from the skip. Another gift from the local community! Andy was hurt in mind, body and pocket, and couldn't continue working.

The skip was collected the following day. Andy had to pick up the tab not only for his own waste, but for other people's junk and for the space that was left unfilled. He was also left with a partly cleared garden, an immobile wife and son, an unwanted insurance claim, a slipped disc, 3 weeks off work, and a strategically placed manikin which appeared to be mounting a garden gnome, presumably left by the skip hire company.

Andy gave up clearing out the garden soon after. He developed paranoid schizophrenia, and was so convinced that his neighbours were filling his wheely bin with random jumble, he turned into Groucho from Sesame Street. He was later arrested by PC Smith for booby trapping his bins. Andy is currently serving the 5th of a 14 year stretch in the 'big hoose' for violating the Prevention of Terrorism Act. His wife could no longer make excuses for him and ran off with PC Smith to whose visits she had become accustomed.

Don't fall foul of bad decisions, call 0500 General Junk today. You know it makes sense.